I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
