Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
