i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We talked him into tasing himself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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