Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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