Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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