You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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