My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
