How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
