We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize