Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
