OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
