I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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