Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
