He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
