she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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