i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
