It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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