Just took my morning after pill in the library
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
