At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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