I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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