I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
