I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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