im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
