Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize