we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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