Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
