laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
