9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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