My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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