white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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