i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
