i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
