I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
