I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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