just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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