It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
