I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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