flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
