The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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