Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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