Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
