but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
