I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
