Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
