Will you blow on my dice?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
