your parents love me but you hate me
Do you still have your period?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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