How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
