you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
