She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
