i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am naked and annoyed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
