I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
