If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
