I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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