you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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