Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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