he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
