shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
