evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
