4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
