Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
