I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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