theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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