Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
