i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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