I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
