It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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