I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
