Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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