i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
