I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
