Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
