dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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