I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
