I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How naked do you want me to be?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
