two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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