I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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