i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
