She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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