Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
