There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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