The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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