i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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