Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
