i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
