My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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