Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
